random sass & musing™

i procured some kickin' socks yesterday for my trailer trash partay outfit. i think they're called socks? i have no idea, but they're rad. there's a word i haven't used since middle school. at any rate, they're puma, black, over the knee with a pink & beige stripe. i went to the goodwill & found a funky shirt with this huuuuuuuuuge glittery guitar & sides with leather lace-ups. of course it didn't fit properly in the chesty area. story of my life. i'll continue the search.

RALIA's suggestion of lace gloves is under consideration. & also amusing.

but enough about surface talk. something has been on my mind of late & i haven't seemed to have the capability to word it properly. in observing all the political satire, commentary & supposed knowledge, i see we are all inundated with such an influx & myriad of ideas. to conform, to not-conform; to be elitist, to be non-elitist; to consider the gender gap, to ignore the gender gap; to hail to the tax bracket, to separate ourselves by tax bracket. there is so much talk about embracing unity among the races, the genders & the faiths, but even those who claim to embrace that unity are the ones continuing to solicit, undertake & support that disconnect.

in the body of Christ we are not exempt. like paul said, there may be no jew nor greek & no male nor female. but that does not negate that we are created individually with intricacies & emotions that are unique to us. i like that. i don't wish to destroy that. those eclectic things are what make me ME & what makes you YOU. i seek out those who are quirky enough to thwart the norm, yet maintain a calming foundation about them.

i find that seeking community more often is a requirement, while embracing the individuals that make up the community. & finding that balance seems elusive & fleeting sometimes.

just a day in my life, a pondering of existence. there will be more to come.

"if a trailer falls off a cinder block in the woods - do you hear it?" one of the many responses to jen's evite to celebrate david's 30th birthday this thursday ... trailer trash style. complete with boxed wine! spam! jello molds! trashy attire (with prizes for same!) good times are in store.

i'm on my search for tubesocks this evening, as well as a trip to goodwill for some sort of hideous shirt to fringe the sleeves. all suggestions for additional attire accepted below in the sassbacks section. use your imagination & make me proud.

our v21 mag meeting was last night. such an encouragement to me & a reminder of the amazing possibility of starting an online women's mag by the vintage women but for all of vintage & whomever chooses to read. the sheer numbers of interest (17 women responded) was encouraging. granted, those numbers will change as with the start of a new semester & many things happening in our lives. i like that our generation isn't willing to sit around dawdling waiting for something to happen. instead, we are trying to be proactive & make something happen.

more on the v21 mag later as things progress. but the encouragement for this was apparent last night. it makes my heart happy to be a part of a church that not only encourages questioning about faith to actually seek the truth, but also provides a stage to share those struggles. our small church is a group of God-seekers, God-doubters & God-followers, but we are really just a small percentage of a larger community with similar thoughts.

i think i'll be working on some articles this weekend as i'm no longer going to da rivah. although i was looking forward to swinging in the hammock with the cool river breeze waving over me. i could go on my deck but somehow it's just not the same. perhaps pooltime is in my future this weekend.

i lack whimsy today, in case you hadn't noticed.

my newest song obsession of late is hoodlums in the hit parade by BABY DAYLINER. me likey.

what i'd like to know tonight is when did i really grow up?

sarah & i were discussing tonight how we're starting to feel so adult. we're riding in our adult cars, having swank adult get-togethers, paying adult bills, & being responsible adults (or what passes for reasonably responsible adults). when did all that happen? when did we grow up?

same convo, different tune. i actually like my adult life though i never would have chosen this to be my adult life at this stage of the game. but i have to defer to the fact that God knows my adult tendencies, needs & desires much better than i do.

now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to bed at an adult time (but out of spite i am wearing my not-so-adult jammies) so i can get up & go to my adult job tomorrow. ciao.

a lazy sunday afternoon after an event-filled weekend. beautiful.

i had an unexpected day off friday when i spent 6+ hours in the ER room with my twittish flatmate who fell on a stack of "bookses" & pulled a muscle & never took ibuprofen™ or used a heating pad to address said injury. i am awakened at around 4:15 AM friday morning to her knocking on my door & telling me she actually fell around 1:30 AM & just thought if she slept it would go away.

argh.

5:00 AM - 11:30 AM we are waiting in the ER. i call into work. i advise i'll not be in. i go home. i sleep for 2 hours. and then the weekend commences.

friday we headed to THE BICKETT GALLERY for geoff's acoustic set & the radio silence. there were several pieces i wanted to take home with me: CHRISTINE VAILLANCOURT, BOP, DADA VI & ANY OF HOLLY MILLER'S PIECES.

i was productive saturday. sorta? cleaned, made corn salad for vintage's BBQ baptism, cleaned my car (& then it rained)! we headed out to JORDAN LAKE for grilling out & baptism. & no those were not done simultaneously. pity that as we were walking down to the water for the baptisms that nobody wanted to join me in singing some spirituals. nevertheless, it was wonderful for all the baptisees, but especially for jenny. she cried & cried & cried some more. then again she cries at the drop of a hat. heh.

a big shout-out to the kind soul who brought FRESCA™ to the cook-out. you are my new best friend, especially after i downed three of your offerings. i had been craving fresca like a mug & haven't found it anywhere. i even brought one home for later. i have no shame.

after leaving jordan lake, we headed to andy & stacy's house. since i hadn't really ever met them (other than in passing at vintage), stacy & i were surprised to learn of both being richmond natives. in her words, "ohmigosh, you're like my long lost best friend!". i fell in love with their neighborhood, although it was in the backwoods. and off some road called "apex-barbecue" road. i kid you not. the houses were a mix of victorian & bungalow. i felt like i was minutes from the beach with the cedar shingles, beachy keen colors, & bungalow porches. were it not so freakin' far from raleigh, it would be a consideration. we were going from room to room with me asking where she got all the furniture. i told her i need an inventory of such things. perhaps of the most interest was her vintage hobo table. i was close to slobbering over it, almost as much as their dog, sherpa.

sherpy's a feisty ROTTWEILER who had jon running scared, stomped on my cut toe several times inadvertently, & apparently thinks he's a lapdog. he clambered into my lap no less than five times. newsflash - rottweilers are not lapdogs after they grow up from puppy stage. after random convos & challenges of snow angels on the hardwood floors & the girls beating the guys mercilessly at taboo™, we left the fun. when we got back to my car, we realized i had left my windows cracked. thunderstorms + open windows = wet leather seats which are still not quite right. my poor car.

this morning brought with it community leadership training bright & early, my slack remembrance that i had to greet this morning, me walking in on a guy in the guy's bathroom when i went in to clean the mirrors (he was clothed! & didn't answer my knock!), & ERIK getting a chance to join us for a sunday morning worship at vintage.

and then there was home sweet home.

i flicked my boss off today when i was "showing" him my broken fingernail. he said it didn't count since it wasn't in proper context so i've been bird-happy since then.

sometimes i make little sense.
what?

grandma & grandaddy g spawned these two troublemakers ... my dad who is angelically (for once in his life) hugging his sister, marilena.

grandma g (mentioned in the previous post). i love how pensive she looks in this picture, as if she's contemplating my grandfather's photography skills.

oh wednesday, how i love thee. let me count the ways:

wed-nes-day is fun to say.
wed-nes-day is hump day.
not that way, perv-ay.

there's more where that came from but you'll have to purchase my book to appreciate the fullness of love for wed-nes-day.

i'm thankful today that it's "women's equality day", the unofficial bad girl™ holiday. as you know, well-behaved women rarely make history and this day in 1920 was no exception. for those in the dark (or who were absent this day in history 101, repeatedly ...), on august 18, 1920, the 19th mendment of the u.s. constitution was ratified. that 19TH AMENDMENT granted women the right to vote & in some people's minds supposedly granted them the right to be uppity. my vote (since i can exercise it now properly) is that uppitiness is an acquired taste, like fine wine or aged cigars.

in august 1920, my grandmother had just turned 11 years old. i imagine, being a small-town rural girl, that she had little interest in such an amendment or the ramifications thereof, but i still wish i had discussed that with her before her death in 2002. i have no doubt she exercised her right to vote as she grew older. she also owned land on her own before marriage (sacrilege!). in her own right she was a quiet but determined lady.

1920 was only 84 years ago. in less than 100 years, women in america have been empowered in a million ways with voting, more career recognition, & reiteration of feminine allure as a natural part of a woman's mystique. & yet women in our generation still seem dissatisifed & discontent with life.

i think God must often look down upon us, amused, yet desiring us to find our true character as women in His roles for us rather than attempting to suffocate ourselves to meet the world's unreliable & changing expectations. i'd rather be a woman of substance with an uppity outlook than a woman of mishmash.

the blessed rain has stopped. i know i say i like rain. & i really do. but too much of a good thing is still too much. i was beginning to think i needed to build an ark & bring on the animals by twosies, twosies.

ah, blessed monday has arrived yet again. fancy meeting you here, dear monday. good thing i'm a tuesday's child, full of grace (except i think i'm the exception to that rule on some days).

had a glorious weekend of laugher, friends, discovery & fun. friday i got in touch with my inner child (who coincidentally still loves any & every racing game known to mankind). since sarah had a bunch of free tokens & because each & every game is only one token, no matter the game, we were all enjoying ourselves, even amongst the flailing short people a/k/a children. we also hogged the picture booth with 2-3 of us crunching in for our "sketch" photo. years from now my children will be blessed with a chuck e. cheese photo of mom, dated 8/13/04, in case i forget, which is highly possible. once i scan it in all shall have a good laugh along with me.

saturday we ventured out into the rain to do some house-shopping. we went to the thieve's market, which is supposedly one of the best places to buy antiques, collectibles, & the like. do not be led astray folks ... while it may have had two reputable pieces in the entire store, it was not an antique shop or mall. 'twas the most junkety junk that ever junked. because it was in grandma's house since 1970 does not a relic make.

after that, we headed to the HABITAT FOR HUMANITY REUSE CENTER. i had seen the most intriguing add for it, discussing old things that look new, new things that look old & the like. after finally finding the hidden building (surprisingly around the corner from my friend's family business, CHAMBLEE GRAPHICS, we wondered through gaping at doors in jambs/out of jambs, palladian windows, hot tubs, sinks, a hideous green mosaic toilet (why, i ask ... why?!), & columns. excellent prices! i browsed among spiffy chandeliers & light fixtures & lamps & hanging lanterns. i also picked one up with the dirty glass promptly dropping & slicing open the second toe on my left foot.

sidenote: does one need a tetanus shot from dirty glass or just dirty metal?

after stopping the bleeding (thank God for MY EXTRA LONG OLD NAVY™ YOGA PANTS which saved the day), i frolicked through the rain with a spongebob square pants band-aid upon my toe & all is now right with the world.

in other news, i have a developing crush on a local lad. it's about time someone intrigued me & kept my attention. & that's all of the story for the moment. my sore spongebob squarepants'd toe beckons me to again clean & redress it.

i have found my calling, my next partay of choice shall be a

CUDDLE PARTY!

o the implications. & considering my issues with people invading my personal space when not invited, i imagine i'd be snarking at some people snuggling up to me. unless they smelled nice, real niiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

(with thanks to SHUA who pilfered said link from someone else who's name i forget but who's hilarious rendition of said article can be found HERE.)

friday the 13th. beware.

we are being pelted by various & asundry raindrops coming in from hurricanes named bonnie & charley. what hideous names even for hurricanes.

last night after the worst of the storms came through, i headed to vintage for a worship night. on the way there i saw a portion of a rainbow, save for the middle which was covered by the trees. when i pulled into the lot, everyone was outside staring up at the sky. i got out of my car, turned around & saw the most spectacular rainbow i've ever seen. ever. everevereverever. from that viewing spot you could see a full & brilliant rainbow. i had not camera with me although sarah managed to snap a cheesy pic of it with her disposable that was in the car. when i get a copy & a scanner of same, it shall be posted for the enjoyment of all.

our worship service was quite unique. since we're doing renovations to "muck" up our very corporate building (such a change from our previous loft & industrial & funkeclectic feel of before), we focused on God as a foundation. part of the service was taking names of God & writing them directly on the exposed skeleton walls that are up now. i picked "rose of sharon" for some strange reason.

after that, we wrote on additional 2x4s with names of friends, family & those who we desire to have community. as i was thinking of all those smaller communities i have in my life (raleigh, richmond, family, college, childhood, church, work, internet) the names & faces of plenty of people swooped through my mind. so many of you got prayered last night. & your names are inscribed in permanant black marker to be used as part of the foundation at vintage. it's like a piece of you is right there next to me every sunday.

i'm such a sentimental sap sometimes. find your community - love your community & tell me how that works out for you.

we look like sanford & son at the house right now. my living room is a compilation of three couches, a big ol' entertainment center that is ugly as sin, & various furniture pieces that could be thrown out & i wouldn't care. except my living room would be quite empty. & there'd be nowhere for people to sit. unless they liked my lap. unless i liked them on my lap. hmmmm.

in other news, i have a cold. in august. i ask you, who gets a cold in august?! shameful.

ah, sweet nothingness for the rest of sunday. after a trials & turbulence-filled week, i am grateful for some down time. big zzzzzzzzzz's are in order.

as luck would have it, i billed approximately 36 of my 46 hours last week to one particular file which i was perparing for trial in the western (a/k/a nether) regions of north carolina. as luck also would have it, opposing counsel called at 5PM friday to state he now wanted to settle. my boss (relaxing at the beach, not that i'm bitter) was conveyed this message, along with opposing counsel's numbers, & i'm hoping he plays hardball telling dimwitinwesternnorthcarolina that we'll settle for the claim amount plus all the attorney's fees we racked up this week, what with one paralegal & three attorneys working this case against his client. some people never learn.

but alas, i'll not complain any more.

the weekend was a wonderful respite from the trauma. friday night we headed to the vertigo for dinner. good thing we did so since they're closing their doors for good as of saturday, august 7. a moment of silence, please.

*silence*

so, our last dinner there was grand. even if we ended up sitting at the rounded bar area because i didn't make reservations (not knowing they were taking reservations only for big parties given the demand before they closed down.) roasted red pepper & lime soup was fabulous, as was my steuchendriverwhateveritwas drink which was vanilla stoli, sour mix, something else divine that made it taste like a melted creamsicle. mmmmmmmmmmm.

dinner was followed by perusal of the artist's studios at artspace, including the grand camera obscura! nothing says lovin' like luring someone into the darkened booth to attempt to see the camera shot of the street on some cheap foamboard & looking out the wrong peephole. hee. in general the artist's studios caused varying reactions in me: fascination, confusion, amazement, butterflies, & distaste. but in my opinion, that's good art. art that moves you, touches some part of you. to see people's visions placed in mixed media, pain, clay, etchings, sculpture & collages is like looking to their soul as taking a piece of their artwork is like taking a piece of their soul. dramatic, perhaps. but true.

i headed over to judd's to meet up with sarah & daryll only to be annoyed by the weirdo brother of a friend of theirs who was trying to convince me that he was 29 & an investment banker. in actuality he was 22 & in college. apparently all women fall for the rich investment banker line. i suppose they do if all they want is a man with money & no personality. i'm just sayin'.

saturday in between the trauma of phone calls & additional calligraphy for wedding invites (hey, at least i get paid for it this time!) sarah & i managed to sneak in a second viewing of napoleon dynamite. yeah, we're weird like that. we didn't drag daryll this time as he says the movie's not even funny but we just crack each other up. that's usually followed by an eyeroll. we met daryll for dinner later. i have to say, he's one of the few of her boyfriends that i've really & truly liked. he treats her well, he respects her & he very obviously loves her dearly. plus he's like one of the girls (being raised by his mom, aunt & grandmother combined). but in a totally masculine way, as masculine as "just one of the girls" can be.

arriving at church for my meeting this morning (9 AM is awfully early on sundays now) i was pleasantly surprised to see the new interior which boasts a small prayer chapel which looks like a bus stop. at least in my head. nobody else saw it, but i did & that's really what matters. then again, i suppose church & religion (as opposed to faith) can be a bus stop-only experience for some.

mmmmmm, irony. how sweet is the taste.

i was thinking today about our generation & the oppressive need to make our voice heard. have we always been this demanding? abrasive? expectant? obsessive? if you look at the ratio of the number of bloggers out there v. bloggers who actually have something to say, there's quite a difference in numbers.

i may peruse someone's blog, all the while wondering if i'm seeing into a portion of them, their thought process or their soul. i'd like to say that my intuition in person is equivocal (or close enough thereto) online. i'd submit someone's words, thoughts, opinions & mannerisms even are quite apparent even in words on a screen. lesser, of course, than in person, but still there.

so, i often wonder how much of my true self even shines through on a blog. when i write an entry, is it dripping with my current feeling of sarcasm or bitterness or glee or ponderance? do you, the reader, actually get a picture of me or is it nothing more than a small part? rhetorical questions, yes, but important questions.

i had a day today. yes ... a day. one of those days that could end all days. a rainy monday complete with traumas galore to put out at work, along with trial preparations for a trial in backwoods deliverance-country north carolina. i wonder if the counties specifically attempt to hire the most incompetent & unfriendly people ever. because if so? i nominate betsy lou for first prize! what exactly does one get for being the most incompetent & unfriendly person? expired coupons? gift certificates for the local tackle & bait shop (complete with in-store eatery!)?

i'd better paste a smile on my face because elsewise this entry, too, shall drip with bitterness & cynicism. oh wait, it already does!

heh.

buckle up for safety, kids. it'll be a bumpy week. but nothing a little mind-clearance, prayer & positive thinking won't overcome. & when i come back, it'll be with a vengeance. & with amaretto cookies.

mmmmmmm, amaretto.