11 June 2007
well, hello. do i say that at the beginning of each post that i make after a long, arduous stretch of time? probably so. but you'll deal, i'm sure. that is if you still read this desolate wasteland of a blog.
i am happy to share that i am in a greater place now. i am on the way to less stress, more air to breathe, less on my shoulders. many of my days & evenings lately have been consumed with wedding plans. i recall back in the day when i love weddings so much that i'd considered working the wedding coordinator business. but then i realized that i'd have to essentially give up my weekends & the moment passed. in planning our own wedding, i'm less enthused mostly because the goal of the day is not for us to throw a fantastic party, but for us to commit our lives to one another in the presence of God, friends, & family.
to put it in the words of a friend: "being engaged sucks."
when she said that statement, i giggled. but it was the giggle of acknowledgement. we're literally poised on the brink of a new stage in life. we're engaged & on the platform to marry, to pledge our lives & everything to each other. i sometimes wonder if this is what the catholics consider limbo to be, hanging on the brink between two worlds.
but it's good. it's a good brink. it's an even better brink now that we've finalized most of our plans. we're moving forward.
i've struggled much with how to express my life in words on a screen. there's really no words to describe the mix of elation, concern, desire, & frustration. i have caring friends here, but most of my close friends & my family are elsewhere, so i haven't really had someone to journey through the planning with me. eric is wonderful, but he's certainly less interested in the color of bridesmaid dresses & the agony over reception location than would be a friend. the majority of my conversations over wedding-related items has happened over the phone with friends. not exactly the life-changing time spent together that i envision. & then i realize that's mostly because i'm a "quality time" person who feels better connected with someone when i have that quality time in person. there's so much to be said for that rather than in person.
regardless, life is better. i hope to write more. it's cathartic.
