random sass & musing™

many moons later, the new sass emerges in a shiny new package that is neat but with a twist.

wait for it. the sass is under construction for a new site.

i am learning not to worry. somehow.

there may still remain a ridiculous amount of things to be done prior to the wedding, but i am learning to breathe, to focus, & to act. our countdown is on as we have just under two months to go. i believe those months will fly by as we close on the house next week & i'll be moving in next weekend. wheeeeeeeeee!

many of the things that were uncertain in the beginning are more certain now & i am starting to somehow rest my weary brain. our church just opened it's doors for the first service in the new building last week. our reception location has been booked for months. the tuxes have been selected & half of the orders have been finalized. the map/menu/hotel inserts were created & stuffed into the invites, which are now making their way around the country as we speak. the bridesmaid dreses are in. my dress is in & currently at the tailor's. my bridal portraits are schedule. my hair trial has been done & we are set for both bridal portraits & the actual wedding day.

in all of this, i am consistently drained physically & emotionally, but i am happy. in two months i marry the man that i love & that is good.

so i am alive & well, drained but happy.
i wish the same for you.

& ps - i finally updated jon b's bloggery in the appropriate section. go, me!

well, hello. do i say that at the beginning of each post that i make after a long, arduous stretch of time? probably so. but you'll deal, i'm sure. that is if you still read this desolate wasteland of a blog.

i am happy to share that i am in a greater place now. i am on the way to less stress, more air to breathe, less on my shoulders. many of my days & evenings lately have been consumed with wedding plans. i recall back in the day when i love weddings so much that i'd considered working the wedding coordinator business. but then i realized that i'd have to essentially give up my weekends & the moment passed. in planning our own wedding, i'm less enthused mostly because the goal of the day is not for us to throw a fantastic party, but for us to commit our lives to one another in the presence of God, friends, & family.

to put it in the words of a friend: "being engaged sucks."

when she said that statement, i giggled. but it was the giggle of acknowledgement. we're literally poised on the brink of a new stage in life. we're engaged & on the platform to marry, to pledge our lives & everything to each other. i sometimes wonder if this is what the catholics consider limbo to be, hanging on the brink between two worlds.

but it's good. it's a good brink. it's an even better brink now that we've finalized most of our plans. we're moving forward.

i've struggled much with how to express my life in words on a screen. there's really no words to describe the mix of elation, concern, desire, & frustration. i have caring friends here, but most of my close friends & my family are elsewhere, so i haven't really had someone to journey through the planning with me. eric is wonderful, but he's certainly less interested in the color of bridesmaid dresses & the agony over reception location than would be a friend. the majority of my conversations over wedding-related items has happened over the phone with friends. not exactly the life-changing time spent together that i envision. & then i realize that's mostly because i'm a "quality time" person who feels better connected with someone when i have that quality time in person. there's so much to be said for that rather than in person.

regardless, life is better. i hope to write more. it's cathartic.

life gets in the way of blogging.

i know it happens to the best of us, but it is a pretty sad commentary that i am too utterly exhausted (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually) to write about it. life has a way of getting in the way, so to speak. for now, it's got me wrapped up in work, engagement, wedding-planning, & church. soon i will be adding house-shopping to that list. i feel like i have so many items in the air to juggle that i'm consistently worried about dropping them.

it's not a great feeling. it's not even a good feeling. i'd prefer to feel a sense of accomplishment rather than a sense of dread that i've overlooked somebody/something of importance.

however, i must say that i managed to make it a priority this weekend to visit with old college friends. we had a get-together of most of the people that hung out together at school. there were also spouses, fiancés, & kids in attendance. we reminisced together over old times, talked about how our current careers match (or don't match) our intentions while in college, & generally caused a ruckus. with fourteen (yes, that's 14) children in the mix, it wasn't hard to have a ruckus. it was also a strange feeling to walk through the house or yard & see a little one's face & immediately peg who he or she belonged to by their facial features & mannerisms.

after all the complaining above, i'm happy to say that this trip was worth it & seeing some old college friends was absolutely refreshing.

not to mention we got a big start on finalizing the feather bouquets for the wedding. my mom thinks i'm crazy, but i think she'll eventually come around on the fabulousness of it!

betrothed to my love.
february 23: proposal, acceptance, & it is official.

here i am before the big event. i am clueless. i am also wearing a princess crown that eric made me, while holding sunflowers that he purchased. this was his supposed ruse for why he was taking pictures (with his camera that he never carries with him) & why he brought flowers & why he had a huge box which contained a gift.


sheer excitement after the proposal. note my tear-stained cheeks with rivulets where my make-up was cried off.


the two of us, post-proposal & giddy.

life comes at your ridiculously fast. it really does. one day you're five years old & enjoying your dixie cup filled with red kool-aid while nibbling your butter cookie rings off your fingertips. the next moment, you're responsible for bills & cars & bosses. how odd to really grow up & be adults that you've only observed from afar when you were a kid.

this past weekend, the beau & i visited with my long-time friend, holly, & her husband, andy. it's always a treat to visit with them & their pooch, shazbutt. life simply moves slower in the mountains of virginia. holly & i spent much of our time going down memory lane, reminsicing of our escapades & people from the past. her mom came over for lunch with us before we left on sunday. she brought with her a small photo album of incriminating photos of us in all our childish glory.

how did those round faces ever turn into adults?

it baffles my mind to consider the possibility that i am an adult. a real, live adult. i do adult things. i go adult places. i eat adult foods. i drink adult beverages. adult may be a relative term here since i'm not always acting like a real,live adult, but still, i am classified as one.

wherever did the time go?

life has marched on, aging us day by day. soon i'll be experiencing more adult things like marriage, children, retirement, & senior citizen discounts. i'll toddle around with my cane or walker, complaining about those inconsiderate youth of today. erm, i do that now (minus the cane & walker). instead, i'll choose to read an enriching book & go to bed at a decent hour. wait, i do this now. fine, i'll cook sensible meals (check), attempt to spend money wisely (check), chomp on tums for indigestion (check), lament over the passage of time (check), & comment on the insanity of hollywoodites, young & old (check).

perhaps i should just apply for my AARP card & call it a day.