millie & guido
i'm dedicating this post to two people who amused me yesterday to no end (for very different reasons).
in my water aerobics class, i'm one of very few women under the age of 40 in that class. the majority is actually an average age of 70, i'd say. when we broke into pairs for the relay/water-walking portion, i got paired with millie, a spry 74 year old with a wicked sense of humor. millie was water-walking for all she was worth and i was cheering her on. since my mind was a million miles away, she was telling me to move my arse during my portion of it. at the end of the session, millie turns to me and says, "today people would have thought you were the 74 year old and i was the 29 year old. must be the legs." i was simultaneously amused and insulted, but since millie makes me laugh she gets homage in this entry.
and that brings me to guido.
after my class last night i headed over to the sprint pcs place to get my phone fixed, as the LCD display is shot for some reason. i don't really dig not being able to see who's calling me in case i don't want to speak with them. kidding, bygones. in all actuality, i am in dire straights since i can't see my phone book listing the names and numbers in my directory. so, i trek over to sprint pcs.
i wait in line for about 30 minutes, using the time for downtime and people-watching. (by the way ... people in the sprint store? some were buying $500 cell phones while wearing tattered clothing and driving a 1970-something hooptie. your cell phone should not be worth more than your car, folks.) as i'm waiting in line, i'm observing my chosen "sprint specialist" who's nametag says his name is rob, but i'm convinced it's guido. short, italian, chest hair-baring, gold-chain wearing, new york guido.
the woman ahead of me is asked by guido "what can i do you for, little lady?" with an atrocious new yawk accent. he's throwing all his game on this woman (and trust me it wasn't much, although i'll bet his gold chains were worth a bit of change) in an effort to win her affections. until her boss/boyfriend (i'm not kidding) came over to help her with the business address for their corporate account (since she didn't know it). (yes, she was blonde.) (yes, i'm using parentheses liberally today.) after guido retreats from getting his mac on and finally servicing her, it's now my turn.
guido repeats his assumed-witty line of "what can i do you for, little lady?", despite the fact that i am easily two inches taller than him. after explaining my issue, guido attempts to sell me a $500 phone. when i refuse to budge he offers to sell me a $300 phone. he then downgrades to the $150 phone (after rebate). the catch with all of them is that i have to sign another 1.5-2 year contract with sprint, which i'm not interested in doing. finally, guido disgustingly says he can just order a replacement phone for me for free if i get sprint long distance (for no charge) on my phone. when i happily accept said offer, he begins to ring up said transaction. and then something i thought could never really happen in real life happened ...
i hear the opening chords for "eye of the tiger" like it's the backdrop for a movie.
dun - dundundun - dundundun - dundunduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun ... dun - dundundun - dundundun - dundunduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun
i think to myself, "this is like a bad 80s movie." and then i realize from where said music comes from: guido. or more specifically guido's phone, in his pants.
me: your pants are ringing.
guido: yeah, nice, eh?
me: "eye of the tiger"? hmmmm, not so much.
guido answers his phone and is reprimanded by his wife for not bringing home something he promised he'd bring. and then i got my phone order after his wife finished reaming him out. i now have to traipse back to the store to pick up on thursday since i'll be out of town this weekend. such a shame that guido and his "eye of the tiger" phone won't be working that night.
in my water aerobics class, i'm one of very few women under the age of 40 in that class. the majority is actually an average age of 70, i'd say. when we broke into pairs for the relay/water-walking portion, i got paired with millie, a spry 74 year old with a wicked sense of humor. millie was water-walking for all she was worth and i was cheering her on. since my mind was a million miles away, she was telling me to move my arse during my portion of it. at the end of the session, millie turns to me and says, "today people would have thought you were the 74 year old and i was the 29 year old. must be the legs." i was simultaneously amused and insulted, but since millie makes me laugh she gets homage in this entry.
and that brings me to guido.
after my class last night i headed over to the sprint pcs place to get my phone fixed, as the LCD display is shot for some reason. i don't really dig not being able to see who's calling me in case i don't want to speak with them. kidding, bygones. in all actuality, i am in dire straights since i can't see my phone book listing the names and numbers in my directory. so, i trek over to sprint pcs.
i wait in line for about 30 minutes, using the time for downtime and people-watching. (by the way ... people in the sprint store? some were buying $500 cell phones while wearing tattered clothing and driving a 1970-something hooptie. your cell phone should not be worth more than your car, folks.) as i'm waiting in line, i'm observing my chosen "sprint specialist" who's nametag says his name is rob, but i'm convinced it's guido. short, italian, chest hair-baring, gold-chain wearing, new york guido.
the woman ahead of me is asked by guido "what can i do you for, little lady?" with an atrocious new yawk accent. he's throwing all his game on this woman (and trust me it wasn't much, although i'll bet his gold chains were worth a bit of change) in an effort to win her affections. until her boss/boyfriend (i'm not kidding) came over to help her with the business address for their corporate account (since she didn't know it). (yes, she was blonde.) (yes, i'm using parentheses liberally today.) after guido retreats from getting his mac on and finally servicing her, it's now my turn.
guido repeats his assumed-witty line of "what can i do you for, little lady?", despite the fact that i am easily two inches taller than him. after explaining my issue, guido attempts to sell me a $500 phone. when i refuse to budge he offers to sell me a $300 phone. he then downgrades to the $150 phone (after rebate). the catch with all of them is that i have to sign another 1.5-2 year contract with sprint, which i'm not interested in doing. finally, guido disgustingly says he can just order a replacement phone for me for free if i get sprint long distance (for no charge) on my phone. when i happily accept said offer, he begins to ring up said transaction. and then something i thought could never really happen in real life happened ...
i hear the opening chords for "eye of the tiger" like it's the backdrop for a movie.
dun - dundundun - dundundun - dundunduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun ... dun - dundundun - dundundun - dundunduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun
i think to myself, "this is like a bad 80s movie." and then i realize from where said music comes from: guido. or more specifically guido's phone, in his pants.
me: your pants are ringing.
guido: yeah, nice, eh?
me: "eye of the tiger"? hmmmm, not so much.
guido answers his phone and is reprimanded by his wife for not bringing home something he promised he'd bring. and then i got my phone order after his wife finished reaming him out. i now have to traipse back to the store to pick up on thursday since i'll be out of town this weekend. such a shame that guido and his "eye of the tiger" phone won't be working that night.
This entry was posted
on 02 June 2004 at 6/02/2004 08:15:00 AM.
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laughed my butt off. oh gosh. that was fun.
who dat is?
Sooo funny. I love it. (And I love parentheses as well.)
~jennifer (and tonic)
(this reply is parenthetical to pay homage to the stories that normally are found in the parenthesis of life. that is all)
-superjosh
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