i awoke at 5:56 AM this morning & couldn't go back to sleep. i had this feeling of dread that i forgot something or someone. no matter how much i racked my brain, i couldn't recall anything that was life or death to be done. when i got into my car to head to work, it was on my dashboard. a yellow post-it note scrawled with the word "donuts".
my fear of forgetting something was in correlation to my requirement to get donuts for our weekly log meeting. when i was hired, my boss told me one thing jokingly, "whatever you do, whenever it's your time, DO NOT FORGET the donuts." i almost could have been mauled by a pack of hungry coworkers. thank God for my internal alarm. too bad it didn't connect with my feeble brain.
anyhow, while i laid awake for another hour, i had those ridiculous moments of reviewing your life. you know, the one that's like "this is your life, sharon!". memories that were remotely or even not connected. but i'm a woman, most everything is interconnected in my thought world.
i had this strange feeling of distaste & dissatisfaction. this could be my life. for the next 60 years, this could be my life. single, harboring a desire for something that seems just beyond my reach, & having goals that seem very far away. i despise that feeling. i usually don't feel this way, but i believe my impending thirty year milestone is making me think of such things.
life really is beautiful, no matter how i slice it. family, friends, health, career, home, frippery, wit, sarcasm, art appreciation, beauty, desire, expectation & musing. just a few things from my life & that's not so pitiful. i'm rescinding the invites to my pity party.
i'd rather enjoy the carolina blue skies today. i think God created them & the fluffy clouds today just to make me smile.
my fear of forgetting something was in correlation to my requirement to get donuts for our weekly log meeting. when i was hired, my boss told me one thing jokingly, "whatever you do, whenever it's your time, DO NOT FORGET the donuts." i almost could have been mauled by a pack of hungry coworkers. thank God for my internal alarm. too bad it didn't connect with my feeble brain.
anyhow, while i laid awake for another hour, i had those ridiculous moments of reviewing your life. you know, the one that's like "this is your life, sharon!". memories that were remotely or even not connected. but i'm a woman, most everything is interconnected in my thought world.
i had this strange feeling of distaste & dissatisfaction. this could be my life. for the next 60 years, this could be my life. single, harboring a desire for something that seems just beyond my reach, & having goals that seem very far away. i despise that feeling. i usually don't feel this way, but i believe my impending thirty year milestone is making me think of such things.
life really is beautiful, no matter how i slice it. family, friends, health, career, home, frippery, wit, sarcasm, art appreciation, beauty, desire, expectation & musing. just a few things from my life & that's not so pitiful. i'm rescinding the invites to my pity party.
i'd rather enjoy the carolina blue skies today. i think God created them & the fluffy clouds today just to make me smile.
This entry was posted
on 21 September 2004 at 9/21/2004 12:55:00 PM.
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thanks, cam.
Actually it was me who made the blue skyes suggestion, Sha...God didn't wanna do it until I dropped your name. Then He said he'd throw in the puffy clouds for free.
You'd be surprised how much pull you have...
:)
Put in a good word for me next time you talk to Him willya?
AJ
(allurblogs.blogspot.com)
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