random sass & musing™

sometimes i wish life was like those choose your own adventure books i liked as a kid, the ones that told you to "flip to page 142 if you want this or flip to page 193 if you want this". the beauty was that if you made a choice that somehow was unappealing after settling into the thick of it, you could simply return to the point of choice & choose another ending. the consequences were nothing more than getting paper cuts from flipping pages so quickly.

ah, if life only had consequences of papercuts in delicate situations. instead, it's the potential to hurt & be hurt, to be vulnerable.

i'm at a place where i cannot decide how to proceed. continuing on a set path is appealing, yet vulnerable. scaling back from this path is unappealing, yet safe. & standing still is an option, but simply leaves me with no resolution.

cheesy motivational speakers can tell me that we can choose our own adventure. i'd say God tells us we have the power of choice in our lives, hence the reason He gave us guidelines but also a brain. so what to do when the heart & head are engaging in a battle?

i wonder what page 142 has to offer ...

THIS ARTICLE is enough to make many of us not want to be labeled in the same belief bracket that is typically attributed to christianity. one of my favorite (or least favorite statements, actually) statements is one asserting that "this worldview [of choosing childlessness] is sick, but more and more common". sick? that's a stretch. sad, perhaps. or in some cases, a good thing. but each of those would be seen through my perspective of a person who one day hopes to have a family. while God has intentions that a part of marriage is procreation, i don't think it's a definite thing that is required of every couple, but that's something they'd have to search out with God.

on the other end of the spectrum, i caught a special on the discovery channel the other night entitled 14 CHILDREN & PREGNANT AGAIN.

W O W

i would be a stark, raving, mad lunatic if that were me. i know what you're thinking & yes, more of a stark, raving, mad lunatic than i am now. the mom had been pregnant just about every year for the last 16 years (there were two sets of twins in the bunch) & the kids were homeschooled. i can't even fathom how much that poor woman probably wants to take a bubble bath & stick her head under the water to drown out the sound of screaming children. but that's most likely me projecting my thoughts. i think having two kids would be challenging so i can't even imagine seven times that.

*dies*

you should immediately go see the newest eye-candy redesign at CAM's site. you can thank me by sending shiny baubles.

of interest is his 11/19/04 entry which directs us to take THIS TEST as detailed in his instructions here:

IMPORTANT ASSIGNMENT WHILE I'M GONE

- Take the Myers-Briggs Test (it's short and painless).
- Post your personality type in the comments.
- Be freaked out at the accuracy by going here.
- Find your soulmate according to here, and by the end of this, we'll all be married.

'

heh.

it supposedly pegs me as an E(xtraverted)S(ensing)T(hinking)J(udging). i'm usually borderline introvert/extravert, with tendencies toward introvertedness, although i've honed my extravertive skills, mostly in leadership roles. cam also references THIS PAGE which indicates how a particular type is in relationship with others. i'd say much is accurate except for some of the weaknesses listed, of which i am the opposite.

i spent a good portion of my morning in the courthouse. i'm sorry to say it wasn't work-related. it was my pennance for getting my speeding ticket over a month ago. i shall now recap what happened on that illustrious day in october.

after spending beautcoup des heures at the state fair, i was heading home. i was tired, it was close ot midnight & i wasn't paying attention to my speed. i got pulled right in front of my office on the way home, actually. i caught the police car out of the corner of my eye as i passed it & glanced at the speedometer (a/k/a "speedo", according to MOTIVE MAYHEM. i was a teensy bit over the speed limit. & by teensy i mean about 19 miles over. oopsies.

the officer flipped on his blue lights & i immediately pulled into a parking lot where those cruising by could easily see me in my state of discontent. i'm not the sort of girl who cries to get out of a ticket. i was speeding, i knew i was speeding & i find it despicable to flash cleavage in an attempt to not get a ticket. not to mention i was so tired at that point that i didn't really care. until i realized that my purse with my wallet which held my driver's license was in the trunk.

i had visions of those C*O*P*S shows where they arrest someone for speeding & it leads to other horrible things. not that i'm a drug smuggler or drunk driver, but you never know. at any rate, i didn't want to make sudden movements & have the officer pull his gun on me, so i politely rolled down the window & awaitied his arrival to my window.

when officer morse approached, doing that cop thing of only leaning their head forward & shining a flashlight in your eyes, he immediately asked for my license. after explaining that it was in my purse which was in the trunk, he indicated i was free to get out. wanting to make sure he knew my every move, i narrated every move like the dork that i am.

i'm opening the door now.
i'm stepping out of the vehicle. (while holding my hands in the air)
i'm opening the trunk.
i'm grabbing the purse.

maybe he thought i was special needs.

after an eternity, he lets me go & i'm off on my merry way. since i haven't had a ticket in three years i was not devastated. however, after spending 2+ hours at the courthouse, i was devastated. there are some unsavories there. i'm just sayin'.

it's quiet at work today which means i get more work done. or more random sass & musings™. either, or. i should work though. billable hours are the suck sometimes.

be happy, be thankful, be well this thanksgiving.

NAUGHTY OR NICE? so, which are you?

sha
It was a tough year, but we'll go for a "Nice" rating. A few naughty marks for excessive junk food, not going to bed on time and nearly forgetting someone's birthday. Really tried to keep up with household chores, though. Extra credit for smiling a lot. Is kind to senior citizens. Keep improving!

hmph.

i'm a nerd. i know you're surprised.

our policy at work (in our section which is at 15 people currently) we have a policy to do secret santa gift exchange. the rules are $20 maximum & we do not reveal until our 12/21 log meeting. everyone emails their wishlist to the whole group & each responsible party, in turn, takes note of their target's list.

i got several emails back from people accusing me of being uppity for my list. hmph. i'm just sayin' that you can do a lot with $20. read it & weep.

SHA'S WISHLIST 2004
(1) CD Music Choices - Interpol | Antics OR Jimmy Eat World | Futures
(2) Gift Card/Certificate Choices - Barnes & Noble OR Borders OR Metropolitan Deluxe (@ The Streets at SouthPointe)
(3) Celebration Lantern - FROM PIER1
(4) Tombo Art Pens - You can find them in local art shops if you are so inclined but HERE's what they look like. Colors I can always use - Chinese Red & Black & Dark Ochre & Chrome Orange & Sap Green & Periwinkle.

see, that wasn't so uppity.
just a wide spectrum of choices.

today is random day.

i saw a commercial for JIMMY DEAN™ SAUSAGE which was disturbing to me. it consisted of various jimmy dean™ workers who were talking about the supposed greatness of their FROZEN BREAKFAST SANDWICHES. the dialogue went something like this:

countrified woman with exaggerated southern accent:
the eggs come from real chickens.
the cheese comes from real cows.
the sausage comes from jimmy dean.

hannibal lectorish anyone?
just how much sausage capability does jimmy dean have anyhow?
some things in life fall under the "don't want to know" category.

our home group was set to meet tonight to discuss the welfare system, it's pros & cons, & the eligibility for same. unfortunately, the girl leading it (our superfly social justice advocate leader) realized she had a prior engagement for a homeless shelter in durham. to compensate our loss (after continuing it to another meeting night), we will go to THE VILLAGE DRAFT HOUSE & drown our sorrows in fried pickle chips & something from the tap. a low-key "family" gathering at it's finest.

i've been musing over some of romans lately as my friend ERIC & i have begun a study of the epistles together. don't be scared of eric's page discussing monkey-infested death. as for paul, the more i study on him & read about him, the more i identify with his style. i love that God used him to do that which he thought himself incapable or even unworthy to do. pride goeth before a fall.

i was thinking today that i miss my friends CHEWIE & NATALIE & PAULY & MEG. i should really write them letters as snail mail is a lost art these days.

/end of transmission

last week was the launch of VINTAGE21's newest site. sometimes i wonder how i got to be a part of such an astounding community. only by the grace of God, i'd say.

thanks for all the nice words & prayers from my last blog entry. you are all nice.

overwhelmed.
my head hurts.

in light of the previous proposal post, i'm adding an addition to the sap. i'm a girl, let me have my jollies.

recently i've heard many friends compare their proposal stories, not in an effort to one-up one another, but to share what a unique experience it is (we hope) for each couple. it seems right to showcase one of the best proposal stories & wedding websites that i've seen to date. all credit must be extended to JOSHUA who posted several months ago about the originator of LANTERN WASTE COMPANY'S's WEDDING WEB PAGE. take a moment to peruse their story from start to finish, including the exquisite collagework in thePROPOSAL BOOK.

haven't had enough yet?

see WEDDING PHOTOS from the blessed event & a teaser for their WEDDING MOVIE. quite lovely & ethereal.

special thanks to shua for finding those links which i could not locate!

how exciting! NEW IMAGES from the upcoming remake of the 1971 version of WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. i'm not sure what exactly i like so much about that movie except that gene wilder is delightfully funny, witty, scary & intriguing all in one. here's hoping johnny can pull it off in that very same role.

this article, toted as a HOW-TO GUIDE FOR PROPOSALS, was amusing. almost as amusing as the comments following it. i suppose it shouldn't be a surprise to me that more & more RELEVANT readers seem to become more & more disillusioned with the articles. however, that's the beauty of allowing for different opinions, no? we want our free speech so badly that we'll cut others off to ensure ours is heard. as alanis might say, "isn't it ironic, dontcha think?"

one poster made the comment that because it's 2004, women should be willing to bend the knee to ask the guy. somehow i'm not picturing that i'd ever want to be dressed to the nines & kneeling to present ... to present what? an engagement ring? to a man? i find that amusing. "here's your titanium ring of promise, my sweet. i know how you hate diamonds so."

i'm all for the recognition that neither gender is better than the other. despite knowing that i am quite capable as a woman, i still want to be treated like a lady. i'd make my point by stamping my foot, but i imagine my mother would think that unladylike.

these days i feel like i'm walking through water. it's as if i can see clearly but i'm just fighting that resistance to get where i'm going. there is much going on in my head, many of which i cannot articulate well, despite my previous entry about using our words as expressions of ourselves.

this past weekend was the hosting of a bridal shower for deena. it all went off well & she had a beautiful time, which is important. unfortunately since she came in from out of town she had to see the prep work, which included much stress for me due to my busy schedule last week. my house was a wreck friday night & i was attempting to navigate my vacuum cleaner amongst her family who were there everywhere. by everywhere, i do mean everywhere.

as i was listening to the incredibly loudness of her parents talking & their increasing nosiness in prowling around my house, it really struck me how we have no idea truly how another family lives & experiences life until we experience it with them. i come from a relatively reserved family, who can get loud but for the most part is not out of control. not her family. the best way i could describe it to philip (her fiancé) was to say "her family takes up lots of space". not just physical space, but personal space & emotional space. of course, the physical space could have something to do with the large amount of junk they hoisted into my house, taking up practically every inch of floor so that my vacuum was literally rendered useless until their exit. not that i'm bitter. as for personal & emotional space, they are just very much in your face. while i agree there are times & places to be in someone's face, this was neither of them.

it really boils down to me being a control freak at times. i need to learn more of the art of spontanaeity. but i have friends who help cultivate that & that's enough, no? right then.

on another note, i met jon's kitties, belle & sebastian (yes, they were named for THE BAND). i miss having furry beasts slinking about the premises. when i get the time & space, i'll have a dog, i hope. i hate to keep one cooped up now & i have no fenced-in backyard within which it could run. but one day ... one day i'll have furry beast & i will love him & hug him & squeeze him & kiss him & name him george.

in the meantime, i'll do my part to be a champion for animals. i highly recommend adopting your new pet from some place like the SPCA or some sort of rescue program. give them a bit o' lovelovelove.

snobbery 101 has assembled & begins now.

let it be known, i hate pretentiousness. the sort that reeks off of one's body, evident through their body carriage & dripping from their speech. it's unnecessary & presumptuous. some would say me using big words is that way. i prefer the term expressive. my word usage is not to impress but to exercise my knowledge. words have always been my commodity, my defense, my vice & my fortitude. 'tis who i am.

at scrabble™ last weekend i racked up 284 points. it was really luck of the draw because i kicked off with a 48 pointer. my opponents are not big readers or vocab fiends. in fact, they consistently ask me to redefine what i'm saying & sometimes i just make it worse. like so:

me: but he's what i'd call lecherous.
deena: lecherous? what's that mean?
me: you know, lascivious. salacious. licentious.
deena: huh?
me: skeevy. he's skeevy.
deena: well why didn't you say that before?!

this set off a discussion amongst us about whether the use of vocabulary as a weapon is pretentious. with which i don't particularly agree. however, i am also rarely attractive to someone who cannot wittily engage me in stimulating conversation. i had to explain to one of my friends that witty is not just about being funny, it's about knowing enough about the subject of which you speak, so much so that you can employ punnery & sarcasm to poke fun at the original topic. so it takes those things to outwit - outplay - outlast.

wait, that's SURVIVOR. there really is nothing new under the sun. hmph.

since north carolina is considered part of tobacco road (that is to say, it is one of the states which depended &, in some cases still depends, heavily on tobacco for profit), it is interesting to consider the institution of no smoking in areas around the state.

i'm happily a non-smoker & frankly find the habit somewhat off-putting. i couldn't imagine that smokey smell clinging to my clothes & hair all the time. i'm also not a fan of secondhand smoke in clubs, bars, restaurants & other public buildings. since i have a heightened sense of smell, if i come home from somewhere that has engulfed me in smoke, i can't rest until i bag those clothes until they can be washed & i take a shower. no matter if it's 4 AM, it's happening.

all that being said, i wonder about the supposed infringement of our rights to smoke. obviously, it's stupid to think that smoking is not a HAZARD to our health, but we don't limit people's drinky-drinky or their eating, which can be damaging as well.

bartender: here you go, sir.
man: thanks. hey, this is just water!
bartender: yep, we reserve the right not to infringe on other patrons with your alcohol fumes.

waiter: can i take your order?
woman: yes, please. i'll have the club sandwich & fries.
waiter: right, then. so that's one veggie sandwich & carrot sticks. coming right up!
woman: but ...
waiter: do you really want me to go there?

heh.

although, i'll freely admit secondhand smoke that is curling & snaking it's way through a restaurant or gathering place into my hair, eyes & clothes can be annoying & damaging to my health, moreso than someone's drink (within reason) & eating habits.

i'm just considering the so-called "moral legislation" factor that we seem so prevalant to induce into society. conservatives are stretching hardest to legislate morality regarding gay marriage & abortion, whereas liberals are seeking hardest to legislate a person's financial contribution to society & health care provisions.

so then, where is the line?
she asks rhetorically, yet still wonders.

KERRY CONCEDES TO BUSH & bush gets 270+ from the electoral college.

while we have a whole new set of problems now (uniting a quite divided nation) at least this part is done. i'm so thrilled the election part is over that i could cry. seriously. if we had to go through the same crippity-crap of last year with the courts, it would seem to become par for the course for all future elections. what a debacle that would be.

those who voted done good, even if their candidates didn't win.

i'm proudly sporting my "i voted" sticker today, but it occurs to me that they really need to redesign these stickers. they're aren't even what i'd consider retro or retro-fly, more along the lines of ... well ... ugly. it took about 1.5 hours from start to finish (& that was with me actually using a table with 7 other people, rather than waiting for a pollbooth). during the 2000 election, i went to the polls at approximately the same time, but it only took 20 minutes start to finish. you won't hear me complaining, though. i'd rather wait if it means more people are getting off their butts to vote. i ended up spending the majority of my time talking with a pregnant lady who is due to deliver on december 23rd. she was nice but she offered plenty of stories on pregnancy to keep my biological clock at bay for now.

some of my friends are having a poll party tonight, offering drinks according to your party lines. red for republicans, blue for democrats, clear for unaffiliateds, green for the green party. that still bodes the question about what color libertarian libations might be, though. i think i'm going to skip the party. i am seriously burnt out on election related media right now that i can't see straight. the world will continue to revolve no matter who is elected.

on a completely unrelated note, i got an email from a friend & ex that i haven't heard from in approximately two years. i have a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach when that happens, something between irritation & gloating. i think that's not healthy. i also think it's a contributing factor to my trust & vulnerability issues now. i'm making no sense.

suffice it to say, i must return to my work. i had 73 emails to filter through from being out on friday & monday, but i do have fabulous weekend of memories & a fancy scandalous red coffetable to show for my efforts. i think i'll take those as veto over 73 emails & piles of work any day.

in honor of my thirty years of inhabitance on the earth, i posted some picks of moi from the early days. don't try this at home.

i could write a really long & tedious entry about celebrating my birthday, which i'll probably do. but it occurs to me that not any of that writing could truly detail the range of feelings as i celebrated that birthday on october 29. yes, i'm almost a halloween baby. yes, i've heard the jokes. yes, i don't find them that funny. yes, i always had halloween theme birthday parties where our favorite game was "trick or treat" played from passing the plastic pumpkin around the circle of friends in attendance.

but, enough about that.

many thanks to all the well-wishers who made me feel treasured on my birthday. i was somewhat apprehensive about approaching thirty. after all, it is a loss of the twenties, a realization that we are now what's termed a "real" adult as opposed to a "young" adult. oh the humanity. somehow i grew up along the way & never really knew it. one day i just woke up, inhabiting an adult body, living in a house, working a job, paying my bills & (generally) being a responsible adult. nobody can really prepare you for that until you do it & even placing a number on it doesn't help. but placing that number there does mean i feel more adult in age than i do in character.

in honor of me, i took of friday & monday, although neither days were really for me, but rather for such tedious tasks as renewing the license & painting a coffee table. how adult! i spent over two hours at the DMV for renewing my license. more than half the people waiting for help (with the stupid ticketing number system) were not speaking english. not a comforting thought when our roadsigns are in english. then again, i'm apparently not such a good example. i missed two of the signs on the sign test. oops. i am still a licensed driver, though, so look out.

that afternoon, i was whisked away for the girls weekend in DELTAVILLE, VA, a place that still holds a special place in my heart. seven of us trekked up to what we refer to as "da rivah" to sarah's grantparents' riverhouse. on the way up, we received plenty of honks & even a random CD given to us by some women driving along next to us at 65 mph. you may ask why & i'll tell you. sarah had used plenty o' flourescent pink WINDOW CHALK which to write such sayings as "road trip", "sharon is 30!" & "happy 30th, sharon!" on there. thank God she refrained from writing my last name, which she almost did.

sarah: sharoni, look, i put your whole name on there!
me: great! just what i always wanted! my very own stalker!

oy vey.

there was an additional surprise when we arrived, as a friend i haven't seen in close to six years met us up there. she could only get away with leaving her two year old with her husband for one night, but i was so glad she did that.

we all spent the weekend gabbing, laughing, crying, fighting, joking, instructing, & advising on everything from dating/husbands to children to reminiscent childhood memories to the best workouts to tone up the fallen bodies. since there was not much to do with it being too cold to swim in the pool or boat in the river, we had plenty of together time. we managed to get out to go walking on the beach, take some pictures on the pier, & bike in the subdivision. incidentally, i don't recommend attempting to cram your 30 year old body on a 7 year olds BMW bike. i'm just sayin'. in addition, we have a huge-like-sputnik amount of blackmail material from the weekend on a VHS tape. i think i am also burned out on playing PHASE 10 & furthermore do not recommend it played amongst six highly competitive, irritable & cranky women. it might get ugly, folks. not that i would know. but the camera documenting some evidence of same might! i highly doubt any pictures will be forthcoming as it would sully the pristine image you might have of me ... erm, i mean others.

i felt so blessed to look around the room & see some of my friends from childhood & some of my friends from now. there could really be nothing better for celebrating one of my milestone birthdays.

& this post has been brough to you relatively sass-free.
but don't think i've lost my touch. i'll be back with a vengeance.

in completely separate & unrelated events, i went to a haunted house last night.
i was scared.
that is all.

ahoy, mateys! i'm going places ... at least i was until my parents sold their boat (child sold separately).

pigtails & diapers were all the rage back in the day, you know. the dog was my grandmother's dog, sandy. i was most likely about to commandeer him for my own personal pony.

this would be moi, circa age 3, laughing maniacally, most likely at the godawful ruffled dress i'm wearing.

kindergarten picture, circa 1979. i'd say i'm (s)mocking you, but that'd be a really bad pun.