random sass & musing™

hurricane jeanne is making herself known again. more rain & it won't end any time soon, it seems. apparently the eye is set to travel across charlotte, although that is always subject to change. we are quite fortunate to have escaped with little to no damage (except for excessive rain & flooding) this hurricane season, so i shouldn't complain. especially given florida's hurricane-weary lands.

friday night we went to see a local theatre production of one flew over the cuckoo's nest at RALEIGH LITTLE THEATRE. quite an excellent production & i was even more impressed with the set design. as we entered the theatre we were directed by orderlies in white jackets toward the "dayroom" which was the theatre with three peripheral sections of seating, so we were essentially in the set with the players. a catwalk at the front anchored the nurse's station, the walls around the theatre were painted a rusted industrial paint, & there were institutional exposed beams & ducts.

we finished off the night at CAFE CYCLO. i regressed about 25 years to having a PB&J sandwich with a strawberry bubble drink. works for me!

sunday at church, tyler had n excellent & thought-provoking take on humility. i'm liking our NEW 12 WEEK SERIES which covers lots of the basics for those who may not have been raised in the church. or even those of us who have known of these things but need a refresher course & a new perspective.

we saw napoleon dynamite for the third time in the theatre last night. i'm starting to think i'm obsessed. or maybe i just really want magical skills ...

there was an article in our local paper today about some students in jacksonville, FL who installed a stripper pole in their student housing. they went to the local home depot, procured a pole, attached it to a concrete ceiling & built a stage around it. they also claim "we didn't think anyone would use it ... we just thought it would be cool to tell people we had one in our apartment".

since i'm in the midst of redecorating, perhaps i should consider. except it wouldn't really go with the decor.

i'm guessing legit people who would have stripper poles in their abode are:

(1) enrolled in a pole-dancing class at their local gym & requiring practice or
(2) were the homeowners in a trading spaces episode sometime ago where doug made their fourposter with the vision of stripper poles. that kinky DOUG WILSON.

i have been using the term "sexy beast" far too much this week & especially today.

in unrelated news, today is THE FALL EQUINOX. ALL MY EGGS ARE STANDING ON END. or maybe that's just my biological clock ticking ...

our GOLD'S GYM representative is here today to offer our corporate rates. i went to get more info because i need to get back to the gym & this will be right next to work. i have no excuse for not going to it.

at any rate, this gym rep was a short, weasely looking man. he was wearing a gold's gym shirt, black jeans, & tennis shoes. he attempted to accesorize this outfit with a belt with a huge sparkly belt buckle. i have no idea. apparently he thinks liberace is a great look for gold's gym employees. frightening, really.

speaking of sparkly things, i coincidentally purchased a bauble today at lunch. STEINMART has a ridiculous sale going on at the moment. so ridiculous that i purchased the aforementioned ring for $2.25, a pair of nine west sunglasses for $3.25, & two evan picone shirts for $6.25 each. that is sick. & i mean sick in a good way.

i awoke at 5:56 AM this morning & couldn't go back to sleep. i had this feeling of dread that i forgot something or someone. no matter how much i racked my brain, i couldn't recall anything that was life or death to be done. when i got into my car to head to work, it was on my dashboard. a yellow post-it note scrawled with the word "donuts".

my fear of forgetting something was in correlation to my requirement to get donuts for our weekly log meeting. when i was hired, my boss told me one thing jokingly, "whatever you do, whenever it's your time, DO NOT FORGET the donuts." i almost could have been mauled by a pack of hungry coworkers. thank God for my internal alarm. too bad it didn't connect with my feeble brain.

anyhow, while i laid awake for another hour, i had those ridiculous moments of reviewing your life. you know, the one that's like "this is your life, sharon!". memories that were remotely or even not connected. but i'm a woman, most everything is interconnected in my thought world.

i had this strange feeling of distaste & dissatisfaction. this could be my life. for the next 60 years, this could be my life. single, harboring a desire for something that seems just beyond my reach, & having goals that seem very far away. i despise that feeling. i usually don't feel this way, but i believe my impending thirty year milestone is making me think of such things.

life really is beautiful, no matter how i slice it. family, friends, health, career, home, frippery, wit, sarcasm, art appreciation, beauty, desire, expectation & musing. just a few things from my life & that's not so pitiful. i'm rescinding the invites to my pity party.

i'd rather enjoy the carolina blue skies today. i think God created them & the fluffy clouds today just to make me smile.

hello dear sunshine, clear skies & fall crispy weather. i feel revived to be out from under the veil of rainy, cloudy & gloomy skies. there is definitely something to be said about SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER. i'm not even kidding ... i think everybody around here has been feeling gloomier due to the relentless, pounding rainstorms. i have missed the last days of summer because of these rains. those last days of heat & humidity, when evenings are cooler but tolerable.

no matter. fall really is my favorite time of year -- the crispity cool of the air, the metamorphisis of leaves, the fall colors, the lack of humidity, the approach of the holidays. perhaps being a fall baby has something to do with this, but fall has always been my favorite time of year, followed closely by spring. something to do with the transition of life around us, i think.

speaking of change & transition, my blog is undergoing a redesign as we speak. be preapred to be rendered speechless. but i won't be. perhaps it will generate more random sass & musing, in the spirit of the original intent.

& now, busyness with community events, life, love, happiness & the like. á bientôt.

conversation is amazing when we're free to say things people often won't because they hate themselves.
these situations, almost daily, have a way of making people understand that all of us are one.
but isolation and division will be our destruction if we can't communicate.
so as i contradict myself and forget all i've said,
i am free.
-- "in conversation" by the juliana theory

i can't get this song out of my head. and i'm wondering if there's a good reason for that.

lately i keep hearing comments from various people about how very complicated i am. it's not as if that's a surprise. i am complex. i observe & internalize almost everything. i am a lover of details & understanding how things are intricately connected. most of the time this is of beneft, but sometimes i wonder if it hinders real connection with someone.

last week i had someone look into my eyes and say to me, "you're trying to figure me out, aren't you?". apparently in my haste to figure out what made him act and react as he does, i retreated into reconnaissance mission mode without really connecting to the conversation. at first i scoffed at him and then i recognized that not everybody wants to feel as if they are under a microscope always with me. it is something i've always had, that intuition and intrigue with understanding individuals and their stories. i know it's a strength that can become a weakness. but in actuality, don't all of our strengths become a detriment at some point?

and so, as i contradict myself and forget all i've said,
i am free.

i have this itch to go somewhere. to travel. to be in a different place. to escape reality for a bit. not that reality is awful, but sometime's reality easily bog's us down. maybe it's the random muse within me, but i occasionally crave that escape to a place not yet traveled, even if it's not a physical escape.

with the crazy weather of late, we're having rain for the rest of the week, through the weekend. HURRICANE IVAN is furious & bearing down on lousiana & alabama, while throwing his winds & rains our way. with so much rain, i have little desire to be outside. that, coupled with the tree that appears to be about ready to fall onto my house, makes me weary of the rains & waters.

somebody send me an ark. & a partner for my twosies, twosies. i'll also need some sneaks to ford the river in my office parking lot. MY SHOES (black, which is, of course, my wardrobe obsession) are not really crick-wadin' shoes, you know.

i have nothing of substance to discuss today, obviously. when i'm talking about rain & footwear, i am speaking of little consequence. i'd appreciate someone knocking me upside the head about now. mmkay, thanks.

ah, THIS makes me laugh & appreciate the thong song from back in the day. now i'll have that song stuck in my head all day. better than the visual, i suppose.

is it possible to lust over furniture? i so want to take this LADDER COMPUTER DESK home & make it mine. i spent no less than five minutes yesterday at the ECKO STORE drooling over it. i might need help.

cows .... they're not just for dinner anymore:

"The idea of using cows to cool passions in the park originated from another nature reserve south of Amsterdam, which saw an unexpectedly serendipitous reduction in sex prowlers after allowing the cows to graze in its fields."

they're for after dinner & before the cigarette. except not.

in other news, i am feeling refreshed from spa night antics friday night. what a clever & refreshing idea to get some women together who barely know one another! there were about 15 of us, from all different parts of stacy's (my long lost richmond twin!) life -- from her social work program at school, from her internship with the state, & from church. we were paired up with one another randomly & even that went remarkably well. sometimes women are just weird about that sort of thing, so i expected the worst but we definitely heard nothing but chatter & good things. one brow waxing, two paraffin wax treatments on my hands, & a deep-cleansing facial later, i was a new woman. it has been some time since i did these things & forgot how wonderful it is to be pampered as much. after a long rough week the tensions melted away.

coming back to raleigh, i dropped bliss off at thurston's & took a look-see at his place since i had mentioned to bliss my desire to move downtown. i'm starting to wonder if i am simply obsessed with the obscurity of it all or if i am just charmed by that downtown life. his circa 1930s apartment had high ceilings, huge windows with grand sills, hardwood floors throughout & something far more important ... character. the prices are decent & moving out of cookie-cutter north raleigh could be a step i'm willing to take next spring or summer.

& lastly, here's MY NEWEST VINTAGE POSTER DECOR which i now gaze upon as it embellishes my mantle. a shout-out to my friend jen, who's sister, melanie, originally framed this & left it when she moved to nashville. jen didn't care for it (what?!) & offered it to me. perfection of a confection, i tell you. it warms the cockles o' me heart just looking at it, not to mention the colors make me want to tango.

i was thinking today how complicated we are nowadays, although we have created technology with the intent to simplify. i spent no less than 10 minutes on one matter, making sure that all the upcoming hearings, motions & trial dates are on our section e-calendar, our personal e-calendars, updated on my outlook tasklist & on my personal handwritten calendar. that is entirely too much.

ri.dic.u.lous.

i refuse to get a palm pilot but they are pretty. & shiny. i like shiny. but i will not allow a machine to rule my life. am i that old school?

i had this conversation the other day with some friends that while i like the convenience of an i-pod, i would miss the weight of a cd in my hand, the feel, the smell & the visual of entrancing artwork. an i-pod isn't that dimensional for me. but perhaps when they can offer those choices (because it has to be the wave of the future!), i'll consider it.

now go forth, enjoy your weekend & avoid being ruled by that tiny piece of machinery.

zoom & blur. that is life these days. the good, the bad, the so-so & the ugly. & it's been raining non-stop for quite a long time due to the hurricane. today has clear, sunny skies. carolina blue with fluffy clouds that make you want to crawl up in them & take a nap. this makes me happy.

my holiday weekend was spent in richmond with the parental units. i drove up on saturday afternoon (as they were out of town in southwestern virginia with the jenkins, whooping it up at a flea market. for two days. their loot for this two day trip, five hours each way? my mom bought a pack of rubber-coated baby spoons for $1. when she showed me their "grand purchase" i asked if that was a hint of some sort. after a dramatic pause she said that it was for an addition to a baby shower gift basket for some lady at church. but behind the steely stare lurks a woman ready to be a grandmother.

that evening my dad & i worked side-by-side a the computers, me on the laptop, him on the office computer. him answering emails telling his online buddies about his GILLESPIE RIFLE sighting at the flea market, me working on an article on gender roles for vintage's upcoming online mag. it's been awhile since we just hung out. i miss my daddy.

sunday was church, along with all the additional fawnings of everyone whenever one of the "kids" comes home to visit. always the same questions like, "how's raleigh?", "when are you bringing a nice young man back to visit again?", & "when are you moving back to richmond?". while annoying, 'tis comforting. it's that taste of home, the same people with aging faces & more developed hearts. those people at BETHEL are still very much my family & the welcome always exists.

sunday afternoon we did the usual family outing to some historical place. despite the weather, i convinced my parents that frolicking in the rain is a good thing. we headed to MEADOW FARM only to be met by howling winds, vanishing outside exhibits, & a house that was closed for renovations. nice, except not. our biggest entertainment was with the wild turkeys & guinea hens with the male puffing himself up like a peacock. i have a picture somewhere to post. i've never seen a turkey swell up to twice it's side. creepy! nevertheless, quality time was had with the 'rents, meaning quality time for myself was a requirement once we returned back to the casa. why is it that our parents still think we're 3? at almost 30 years old, you'd think by now my parents realize i am not their little girl anymore. i have boobs for crying out loud! i'm just sayin'.

monday i took the long haul back to raleigh, driving in the rain the entire way because .... dun-dun-duuuuuuuuuun ... the rain that was in richmond the whole weekend followed me back after aleigh was apparently beautiful the whole weekend. so after cancelling plans to head to ADVENTURE LANDING, sarah, daryll & i headed instead to see WICKER PARK. stalker creepy, i tell ya.

tuesday night, an impromptu dinner with erik at CAFé CYCLO. vietnamese + coffee. what? i know, that's what i said, but i found it intriguing & the company was good enough to entice me. i think i'll return for another chinese pear bubble drink shortly. nothing like chewy tapioca globes in ones drink! the bonus is the pvc pipestraw with which to drink! given my grace, some of it was on the blouse, but that's okay. i won't tell if you won't.

so, as i close ... happy days, carolina blue skies & swank bubble drinks to you, my friend.

i said it before & i'll say it again. tonight i attended the trashiest trailer trash party that ever trashed. since i've had several people ask for descriptions of the festivities, here it is for your reading enjoyment. if i can snag pics from people i'll have those up here as well.

my attire:
jean skort (the ones with the skirt only in the front, shorts in the back ... beauty!)
shredded grateful dead shirt
black knee socks
black platform patent leather mary janes
scary eyeshadow & additional eyeliner coming out from the side of the eyes in a cat-shape
two pigtails & a million barrettes to catch the stray layered hairs at the back

others' attire:
we have some creative people, not that i'm surprised. jean shorts rolled up over bike shorts, camoflauge gloves, mullet wigs, press-on chest hair with a wrestler medallion necklace nestled amonst the hairs, trucker hats, overalls, cropped football jerseys on men (showing 2 inches of hairy belly), holey tshirts & long john shirts, "pregnant" ladies with cigarettes dangling from their mouths & cigarette packs tucked into cleavage, curlers in the hair, a beer hat (holding two beers with the freaky straw things, & many runaway bra straps.

house atmosphere & food:
jen outdid herself with setting the scene. her original idea was to actually have his car's wheels removed & placed on cinder blocks in front of the house. after much rigamarole, it was decided to be too risky to remove all the wheels, so that plan was abandoned. but she easily made up for it with the hideous multi-colored christmas lights & laundry strung across the front of the house (including ripped bra & undies & skanky tshirts). heh.

inside there were pictures scattered everywhere, including a picture of the actual trailer where david lived when he was first born. other token pics included erik estrada (circa CHiPS days) & jeff foxworthy. out back was decorated with more multi-colored lights, a pool noodle & hoola hoop in the nearby trees, & the keg. which leads me to the vittles ...

PBR & boxed franzia wine were flowing, together with SUNDROP™, CHEERWINE™, & mountain dew. some of the "delicacies" were pickled pig's feet, vienna sausages, spam, crackers & squeeze cheese, pigs-in-a-blanket, & a jello mold. some of the guys tried the pickled pigs feet. i thought i'd hurl. i didn't, but they did in what we dubbed the vomitorium a/k/a the parking lot.

wonderful time. so good i might be talking like trailer trash again tomorrow at work. i talked like that all.night.long. still am, in fact. perhaps i should update my audioblogger!

i finally sit in the solitude of a relatively tidy living room. after feeling like sanford & son for several weeks, it feels so much homier now.

i'm starting to be relatively concerned with how much this upcoming trailer trash party amuses me. but it just does. i was in charge of procuring the tackiest paper plates & napkin that money can buy. i think i succeeded at the dollar store with my patriotic styrofoam plates. who uses styrofoam plates anymore?! much less patriotic styrofoam plates.

places hand over heart

don't get me wrong. i love being american but i have to wonder how patriotic it is for us to be eating spam™ & jello molds off the stars & the stripes. although i can safely say i won't be eating spam™ off those plates or any plates for that matter. not to mention how environmentally safe our styrofoam fleurochlorocarbonmonoxidediecturant-releasing plates prove themselves to be. perhaps i should return these to the store?!

i must comment that the various tchotchkes & superfluous crippity crap at dollar stores still amazes me. who knew you could buy things like motor oil or sponges or kitchen utensils or cards or barrettes at the dollar store? who cares that it falls apart in two seconds? it was just a dollar!

i bought these sweet stainless still magnetic clips for my refrigerator (for those very important items which get displayed to jog my memory about very important people & very important upcoming events. how swank, how groovy, how la-dee-freakin'-da of me ...