random sass & musing™

um, i am alive. & remiss that i have not blogged in too much time to count. plus i've promised pics for something like seven years now. one day soon.

thanksgiving was spiffy. eric met the extended family, having already met my parents several times before. he got the green light from the family so he somehow managed to trick them into believing he was not a vagrant. most likely because he allowed my grandmother to wax on non-poetically about bluebirds & various birds of all varieties & how they know when someone is "nice & kind" by how you whistle at them. somebody tell the construction workers such things.

our visit with my parents was heightened by enjoyable exchanges like the following:

(as i perused my baby book & noted pictures of when i was brought home form the hospital as a newborn)

me: so, i see you didn't spring for a car seat to keep me safe from flying through a windshield in case of an accident.
mom: pshaw, they didn't do that back in the day. besides your head is hard enough.

...

me: mom, i see you, grandma & grandaddy in the pics, but i see none of daddy.
dad: that's because i wasn't there. i went to a rifle show that day.
me: you selected a rifle show over bringing home your offspring?
dad: yep. still have that gun, in fact.

*dad makes a valiant search for it in his gun cabinet amongst other heirloom pieces but doesn't find it*

dad: oh, i know where it is. it's under the sofa in the living room.
*arrives in room with dusty rifle in tow*
mom: well, great. that shows how long it's been since i dusted under that sofa.

fine & bizarre people, they are.

we went to APPOMATTOX COURTHOUSE STATE PARK the day after thanksgiving so that eric, the yankee, could be properly schooled in the somberness of such a place. eric's triumph of the day was singing the battle hymn of the republic while accompanied by mom & myself, with my father's howls of "scallawags! carpetbaggers!" in the pandemonium.

good times.

what have you learned about gender roles throughout your childhood & adulthood?

it's surprising the amount of influence our families have on us in how we view not only our own gender, but how we interact with the opposite gender. we often hear of freudian implications but i don't think freud was so far off the mark. the people who raised you (in most cases, the parents, but in some cases another adult or group of adults) really do influence how you perceive & interact with others.

most happy, well-adjusted kids are taught the basics of a healthy relationship by watching their parents. if mom & dad love one another & show that to each other, as well as demonstrate this to their offspring, most children grow up modeling that in reacting to the opposite sex. same with the parents' relationships with those of their gender. if mom had healthy relationships with other women, it modeled to her daughter that women are (in general) able to have healthy relationships. if dad had good male-bonding relationships, it demonstrated that men can be trusted.

by the same token, people demonstrating unhealthy relationships can knowingly or unknowingly damage their children's development. fighting parents model a behavior that indicates that the number one person in a relationship is oneself rather than one's partner.

last night in our home group we discussed gender roles -- how we perceive them from our families; what the bible says about them; & how society has molded the idea of traditional roles. listening to the stories of how people were raised literally baffled me. we had a pretty even split of people raised by divorced parents & people raised by parents who are still together. the stories of role models being TV characters or absent are fascinating. think about how different you could be today if you based your idea of love on mike brady or ricky ricardo or the neighborhood pervert. imagine the difference of modeling that which you've known, & assume others have known, only to find out that this is deviant behavior from "the norm".

imagine!

it's no wonder our society has begun to eschew the idea of community & true dependence on one another. we can't even depend on those in our own families to model true community.

if anything, it made me thankful to realize that my parents put so much care & love into raising me, into teaching me right & wrong, into teaching me how to think & analyze, into developing me & not a facsimile of some other character. i'm thankful beyond words for that.

you can do it, too. you know, answer those weird questionaires. these were on SCLIB'S BLOG. here we go.

2. [sic] - just go with it - that's how the numbers started ... Were you named after anyone?
nope.

3. Do you wish on stars?
never have before.

4. When did you last throw up?
it's been months.

5. Do you like your handwriting?
usually, depends on my mood.

6. What is your favorite lunch-meat?
smoked turkey breast, on honey wheatberry bread with spicy mustard & lettuce & roasted red peppers. mmmmmmmmm.

7. What is your most embarrasing CD?
some old reba mcentire album, i don't even remember the title.

8. Are you a daredevil?
depends on what sort of daredevil antics we're discussing -- making a fool o fmyself in public or completely negating all physical safety. the first, yes; the latter, not so much.

9. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?
maybe.

10. Do looks matter?
there has to be some physical attraction but i think that can grow as you get to know someone & vice-versa. i've met plenty of attractive people who i find less attractive as i get to hear them speak.

11. How do you release anger?
workout at the gym; cry.

12. Do you trust others easily?
nope, trust is earned.

13. What was your favorite toy as a child?
my matchbox cars. they were spiffy.

14. What class in high school do you think was totally useless?
chemistry -- except that we got to make lipstick. but it was crappy lipstick that made you feel as if you plastered molten vaseline to your lips, so ... chemistry.

15. Do you have a journal?
several.

16. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
moi?

17. What are your nicknames?
sha, sha-sha, sharoni, roni, shurndee, goonbean, beautiful

18. Would you bungee jump?
negative, ghostrider.

19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
depends on my mood. & the shoes.

20. Do you think that you are strong?
in most cases, yes. physically & mentally. but there's that gooshy part of me that is not so much.

21. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
depends on my mood. a full-flavored chocolate or chocolate chip cookie dough or less sweet vanilla.

22. Shoe Size?
9-10 depending on the shoe.

23. Pink or Red?
depends what we're talking about here. certain colors are better for certain things.

24. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
my control issues.

25. Who and/or what do you miss most?
the security of days when the most complicated thing that you had to do was tie your shoelaces.

26. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back?
i'm sending this into cyberspace, so i doubt anybody will send it back.

27. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
teal green cordouroys, black mary jane lugs.

28. What are you listening to in the background?
a puller & for love, not lisa mix cd.

29. Last thing you ate?
fruit salad.

30. If you were a color what would you be?
clear with sparkles.

31. What is the weather like right now?
mid-60s, breezy, sunny, clear with carolina blue skies.

32. Last person you talked to on the phone?
eric.

33. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
eyes, hands, their mannerisms.

35. Favorite Drink?
coke zero, screwdriver or chocolatini.

36. Hair Color?
sable.

37. Eye Color?
greenish-bluish-gray.

38. Do you wear contacts?
heck, no. i do wear my glasses sometimes.

39. Favorite Food?
right now it's piccolo italia's cheese ravioli.

40. Last Movie you watched?
"waging a living" - documentary on the working poor in america.

41. Favorite Day of the year?
a crisp, clear fall day.

42. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?
both have their merits.

43. Summer or winter?
i'm with sclib, fall & spring.

45. What is your favorite dessert?
almond cookies.

47. Living Arrangements?
a three story townhouse with a roommate & a miniature gazelle.

48. What books are you reading?
several, none of which come to mind at the moment.

49. What's on your mouse pad?
pretty stripes.

50. What did you watch last night on T.V.?
apprentice : martha.

51. What's the farthest you have been from home?
our trip to the west coast through northern california, oregon, washington & into british columbia.

that be all.

the fall weather always makes me reevaluate everything. maybe it's the change in the weather. or that crispness in the air that tells you something big is around the corner. or the leaves that change overnight to a completely different color, as if they are chameleons set to camoflauge them against the elements. or it's the fact that my birthday was five days ago & it's human nature to reevaluate life's happenstances at that time.

what have i really done in thirty-one years of my life?

i could name a list of milions of small things, but not any huge thing. i can't say that bothers me entirely. i don't think God places us here only to do the big things. impacts are usually made over time & with gentleness, until we've left an imprint on something & not even realized it. i can easily guess that twenty-five years from today i'll be remember exactly the big stones of my life at the age of thirty-one.

so, if i assess the progress of my life thusfar, i can see the impacts i've made, but only if i squint. i've accomplished a bachelor of arts degree in political science from A SMALL LIBERAL ARTS COLLEGE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. i've moved from THE PLACE I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN AS HOME & have now lived successfully on my own as a (somewhat) functioning adult HERE. i've INTERNED in the nation's capital, meeting a variety of people from all walks of life. i've dabbled in various sorts of law as a paralegal. i've become active in MY CHURCH. i've made amazing friendships, some from my childhood to my college days & some in north carolina. some of those friendships even cross the boundaries of old & new, converging to be in the same town as me, having been that way since we were kids. i drive a PLAIN OL' CAR & miss MY VERY FIRST CAR. ah, nostalgia.

i wouldn't say my life is mediocre, but i would say i don't think i've fulfilled my potential.

i go to work & produce ... something. i visit with MY BOYFRIEND. i visit with friends whose websites shall remain nameless because they (a) don't have them or (b) don't use them. i attend a church where i talk a lot about community & i fall short of fulling reaching it. i have committed my life to a God who accepts me as a i am, but longs for me to change, to improve, to evolve, to become.

i'll get there.

since it's been too long to count, i have headlines to share. go.

EX-PIZZA DELIVERYMAN ACCUSED OF KILLING 10. only they never state that he actually did it while he was a pizza deliveryman. pointless facts in article title, -5 points. use of the word "quintillion", 2 points. total score: -3.

NEW, DELICIOUS SPECIES DISCOVERED. this one's for you, eric. creepy use of the words "delicacy ape" together in several sentences, -3 points. funky fresh black & white scheme on animal, 4 points. total score: 1.

NICKEL CREEK FINALLY GETS THEIR DUE. the fact that it took me almost a month to find the article, -3 points. the fact that they recognize some greatness, 4 points. total score: 1.

HATE TIM. failure to adhere to iambic pentameter, -5 points. liberal usage of exclamation points, -2 points. ability to stay on blue lines, 2 points. total score: -5.

HOLIDAY SURVIVAL KIT from knock knock goods. use of the words "wipes" & "earplugs" in close proximity, -2 points. simple love for all things knock knock, 5 points. total score: 3.

DEPECHE MODE TOUR KICKOFF POSTPONED. being pizzled off about hurricane devastation foiling plans for depeche mode's kickoff, -5 points. using amusing sentences like, "being a poseur isn't necessarily a bad thing", 5 points. total score: 0.

enjoy.