i had a dream last night about a friend of mine whom i haven't talked to in almost a year. before that, i hadn't talked to her in close to eight years. her name is kim & we grew up together. we knew each other from the time we were about five years old. we always had a rocky relationship, even as little girls. were we not as close in proximity in our neighborhood, i imagine that we'd never really have clicked to be friends. she was too bossy for my tastes. then again, i'm sure people say that about me which is most likely why we clashed so much.
anyhow, in my dream, i dreamed that her four year old son still slept in this hanging basinette thing. for some reason i was staying at their house & confused by the fact that i was reading him a story & he was lying in a basinette. at age 4. how bizarre. why i dreamed this? i have no idea.
when i awoke i remembered thinking that i should email her to tell her i had this funny dream about her & her son. but then the appeal was lost to me to even email her. i don't really understand how relationships that were so solid before have degnerated into hearing about one another through our families & mutual friends. oddly, i'm okay with that because i think the friendship had run the course. if there's one thing i've learned over the years since i moved to NC, it's that friendships sometimes run their course, only having a viable life for a short (or sometimes long) but definite amount of time.
is that a human coping mechanism? our emotional toolbox is exactly that -- a toolbox for dealing with other humans. we love those who make us feel safe which is why our family structure often shapes our love for others. i love my parents because i trust them; i know that they have always provided for me in every way. in turn, i was taught to love my friends with whom i've established a trusting relationship. when that relationship is torn (for reasons of circumstance or error), it has always been tough for me to remove that emotion. i attribute that to my belief that my relationships should all be long-term & enduring but that's simply not reality. now it's just getting my heart & mind to follow that as true logic. i'm getting there, slowly but surely. turning off that emotional part of myself is nearly impossible. ask eric ... he gets to deal with it on a regular basis.
i thought about all of these relationships this past weekend when we were attending a family reunion. my parents organized a reunion for my dad's side of the family. unfortunately, eric & i could only attend for the day which made for a long (but satisfying) day. i hated leaving when we had to leave because it felt as if i was just getting to know some of the family that i've barely known. they lived in new york while i was growing up & eventually the children (my dad's first cousins) have splintered to living now in indiana & toronto. it's so odd to think about how i am related to these people who are scattered about the country. we descend from the same people yet we are so far apart. how does that happen?
speaking of the family reunion, i have pics that i need to post. along with other pics that i still haven't posted. someday ...
anyhow, in my dream, i dreamed that her four year old son still slept in this hanging basinette thing. for some reason i was staying at their house & confused by the fact that i was reading him a story & he was lying in a basinette. at age 4. how bizarre. why i dreamed this? i have no idea.
when i awoke i remembered thinking that i should email her to tell her i had this funny dream about her & her son. but then the appeal was lost to me to even email her. i don't really understand how relationships that were so solid before have degnerated into hearing about one another through our families & mutual friends. oddly, i'm okay with that because i think the friendship had run the course. if there's one thing i've learned over the years since i moved to NC, it's that friendships sometimes run their course, only having a viable life for a short (or sometimes long) but definite amount of time.
is that a human coping mechanism? our emotional toolbox is exactly that -- a toolbox for dealing with other humans. we love those who make us feel safe which is why our family structure often shapes our love for others. i love my parents because i trust them; i know that they have always provided for me in every way. in turn, i was taught to love my friends with whom i've established a trusting relationship. when that relationship is torn (for reasons of circumstance or error), it has always been tough for me to remove that emotion. i attribute that to my belief that my relationships should all be long-term & enduring but that's simply not reality. now it's just getting my heart & mind to follow that as true logic. i'm getting there, slowly but surely. turning off that emotional part of myself is nearly impossible. ask eric ... he gets to deal with it on a regular basis.
i thought about all of these relationships this past weekend when we were attending a family reunion. my parents organized a reunion for my dad's side of the family. unfortunately, eric & i could only attend for the day which made for a long (but satisfying) day. i hated leaving when we had to leave because it felt as if i was just getting to know some of the family that i've barely known. they lived in new york while i was growing up & eventually the children (my dad's first cousins) have splintered to living now in indiana & toronto. it's so odd to think about how i am related to these people who are scattered about the country. we descend from the same people yet we are so far apart. how does that happen?
speaking of the family reunion, i have pics that i need to post. along with other pics that i still haven't posted. someday ...
This entry was posted
on 03 October 2005 at 10/03/2005 08:25:00 AM.
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